Realizations about Love

It all started unexpectedly. Who would know how it all began? I just woke up one day and his face is all I see. I know I’ve been through the same scenario before 7 years ago and I know it has a tragic ending. But I still nurtured the feelings… I still gave in to this feeling knowing I will be the one in the losing end. Why didn’t I follow my instinct? Why would I give in to something that requires a lot from me but can’t give back what I have surrendered. It’s another one sided love affair and I hate myself for diving into temptation when I know for a fact that I will be the one to cry. I already cried it all out… I already gave up and already waved my white flag in surrender. I promised myself that I would never, ever initiate any act from this time forth forward that will rekindle my feelings for him. Not anymore.

I guess I won. After my heart to heart talk with Melai yesterday…I’ve realized how lucky I am to have Jojo in my life. I have been unfair to him. I was the one who manipulated him and stole his life away from him. If he hadn’t known me…I guess he is now a successful guy. Having lots of friends and loving someone who loves him as much as he does. A girl who would serve him…who made him her number one priority. Not someone like me…a very selfish girl. Loving only herself and someone who doesn’t really knows the meaning of the word love. For six years, I’ve been blinded by this selfishness and I fail to see how lucky I am to have Jojo in my life. I have been such a bad girlfriend and I really don’t deserve being loved the way he is loving me. If not for Melai, I would not be able to appreciate my Jojo and most likely would still continue abusing him till now. He doesn’t deserve being treated as if it is his responsibility to serve me… to obey me…to love me unconditionally. I have been such a bitch. I don’t deserve to be loved at all…

But thank God…He never let me fall to that trap of selfishness again. He sent Melai, my sister to remind me that I need not ask for any other gifts anymore.. He already gave me those gifts just before I asked for it… I’ve just been blinded by my earthly desires that I failed to open it. So from now on, never will I look for any love from a different man for I know I already have the best love there is. Thank you Lord for giving me an angel here on earth….

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