I'm Free!

I never thought I could write about this...



Yung first part ng post, - naipost ko sya because an old friend...a past memory, a long lost secret love....asked me out lately lang through YM. I don't know if it's romantic in nature pero kahit na - parang inappropriate. Lagi naman syang ganyan eh, he would usually buzz me and flirt. Nakakatawa kasi di naman kami ganun mag-usap before. He would normally joke na magpakasal na kami...kung tanggap ko raw ba sya...and lagi nya akong inaaya lumabas. SIguro wala nga syang ibang makasama and he wants to have someone na sasamahan sya gumimik ... I always say yes and we would normally agree to meet at a certain time... kaso laging walang closure. Di naman kami nagkikita. I think this is the tenth time na nag-arrange kaming magkita pero di naman natutuloy kasi di ako sumisipot. Okey lang siguro sa kanya, kasi he never followed it up on me.Kung talagang gusto nya akong makasama, he would at least remind me through text kaso wala eh. Okey lang kung tuloy, okey lang kung hindi. Ganun naman talaga sya noon pa...anything goes lang pagdating sakin... gusto nya lang talaga ng kasama...bakit ako pa?!

We used to be bestfriends before sa first job ko - and I know ALLLLL his flaws - that's one of the reasons why I left the office. I AM BEGINNING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH MY FRIEND - kahit ayoko. Ayoko talaga sa kanya, pero ang puso dimo talaga maturuan no? Ang kulet! Alam mo na ngang wala kang mapapala dun sa taong yun - sya pa rin ang gusto mong makasama. Naitanong ko sa sarili ko na, of all people bakit sya pa ang napili mong mahalin. Wala syang kwenta. Napaka childish, social climber, bastos. Wag na yan, marami jang iba. Kaso wala eh...diko alam kung nagayuma ako kaso yun talaga gusto nyang mahalin eh.

Nung una wala lang...he is definitely NOT my type - kaso since we are on the same team - wala kang choice but to mingle with him especially we are both living in San Juan that time. We became closer and closer to the point na everyone is asking kung kami na. Of course NOT! He NEVER asked me if I love him. Everything was plain and simple. Until I started noticing somethings na mapapaisip ka kung me meaning or what. A girl always knows and I have a lot of officemates who also noticed a sudden change in his personality. We started going out together, watching movies and he even went to Church with me and completed the training (btw, I am a born again Christian). Even he admitted to me na ako lang ang nakapagpasimba sa kanya. Things started to go deeper and deeper na parang ayaw ko na syang mawala. Naiinis ako sa mga bagay na ginagawa at di nya ginagawa - which I think is so UNHEALTHY for me. I started getting jealous, I started feeling miserable to the point na I feel kelangan ko na syang mawala sa buhay ko so I can live a normal life again. Most nights are spent thinking if talaga bang Mahal nya ako gaya ng sinasabi ng mga officemates ko or he is just being nice? Pag uuwi ako, I would normally pass by Megamall Chapel and cry...asking God everytime to take away my feelings for him kasi nahihirapan na ako...HINDI NYA ALAM. He makes a JOKE out of it all. He does'nt know...na minahal ko sya. SOBRA. Pero sya, minahal nya kaya ako talaga? Yung actions nya says - oo pero he never said that to my face. Siguro sa biro OO pero in reality - who knows?! Until now - I don't know... and I need not know....IT DOES'NT MATTER TO ME ANYMORE.

I resigned because I don't want him to control my emotions. I think that's the best thing to do. Live a life away from him. Nobody knows my TRUE reason why I left. Some would even think I am a fool leaving that company when they already offered me a Team Leader position at that time.I am half hearted to leave but I thing this is the BEST THING to do. I left, without giving a hint how he ruined it all...I left, with a heavy heart - knowing na this might be the biggest mistake of my life. I am willing to leave everything behind kaysa lagi nalang akong nasasaktan.

Four years has passed, di na kami lumabas together. I went my way and he went his way. Lately nakakapagchat kami pero casual na lang. Me mga times na tinatanong nya ko kung mahal ko sya sa chat namin...kaso binabara ko. Diko alam kung nagbibiro sya (which he always does) pero kahit sa biro hindi nakakatawa - HOW DARE YOU ASK ME HOW I FEEL NOW?! After all those years? WALA KANG KARAPATAN. I will not allow you to ruin my life again the SECOND TIME AROUND. Don't ask me out anymore - I WILL NOT GIVE IN. In as much as I want to...

Yun lang...wala lang. I just feel it's sooo unfair to play with other people's feelings. It's not fair. You don't have any clue kung pa'no mo ako NASAKTAN. Pero okey lang...past is past. I am better now after sharing this part of my life. Natatakot akong mabasa nya pero at the same time, masaya ako kasi at last...I was able to share this. Not that I want some things to happen. NO! I am very much in love now... I just feel na he needs to know para sa susunod - he already know how to handle things. Don't be so close to someone especially if you don't love her. Don't do anything that will make her feel special in any way especially kung alam mong vulnerable sya and he might think of that as one of your moves to win her. It's not pagiging ASSUMING, it's the VULNERABILITY of us, girls. Minsan kahit na ayaw na ayaw mo sa isang tao - pero kung mabait sayo and binibigyan ka ng sobrang attention - you have no choice but to LOVE him. Kahit ayaw mo...

Ito yung topic na ayokong itackle. Beside the fact na inappropriate - some people would not understand. Baka malaman pa nya. Pero okey lang, at least may clue sya kung anong naging impact nya sa life ko noon. He may brag about it - he might think of me differently - I DONT CARE. This is my blog and I need to be true to it. No pretentions. And besides, I think eto na yung closure na hinihintay ko. To leave behind everything that ties us together...even the only thing he could offer - friendship...


Leave of Absence

I was diagnosed with Acute Tonsilitis and Conjunctivitis aka tonsilitis and SORE EYES that's why Im stuck here at home and was advised to file a leave of absence for 5 looong days. Yahoo! This is the first time, in my professional life will I be able to rest for 7 days (including my 2 day offs that is!) I am so excited. Imagine, I don't need to wake up at 6pm to go to work?! I can do whatever I damn well please! Hehehe - pero mas masaya sana kung wala akong tonsilitis and sore eyes...pero pwede na rin! What's good is that, timing sweldo pa. Hahahaah! San kaya akomaglyalyamerda? The first 2 days, I kept myself busy by doing some beaded necklace and some burda burda. Kaso, naisip ko rin na this is the best time to make lipat lipat na some gamit sa Project 8. As you all know, my brother in law with my sweet niece AJ will be joining my sister who is based in SIngapore. Magmimigrate na sila duon and my ate asked me to take care of her house and mga gamit and she will be the one to pay for the rent every month. It's such a great offer sana kaso medyo malayo nila to my office. Napagdesisyunan narin namin, to help ate na rin, na we will sacrifice na lang. Anyways, it would also be a great savings for us especially we wont be paying for the house .Furthermore, ate said we can use her gamits such as ref, washing machine and aircon! Wow! No need to buy ice everyday, no need to go to laundry shops to have our clothes washed, no need to have 2 electric fans turned on during the day sa sobrang init! There are more advantages than disadvantages and also kung wala talagang choice si ate at kahit walang gamit - I would still do it for her. Anyways, mom came here sa bahay and we will go to DIVI again later to buy some bags na gagamitin namin sa paghahakot ng gamit. I plan to make the most out of my vacation kaya naisip ko na mag empake na agad. ALthough we still have 1 month deposit dito sa bahay, mukhang hindi na namin magagamit eh. Okey lang...flight kasi nina kuya on April 21 na so kelangan nandun na kami para maendorse na nya ang bahay.

I think this would be a very busy week. Instead of having a vacation siguro - the remaining days would be spent packing things and going to and fro ate's place. Will update you.

I'll gonna miss my humble home...


Thank You Kuripsy Kremes!

Last April 8. Kuripsy Kremes had a team building at Casanjo Resort in Cainta Rizal. Everyone's present besides Gherjeane (who is by the way acting up weird lately). The outing was a blast! The team made CVG as their meeting place before going to the resort while and Ice met at SM Taytay - which is an hour away from our place (by taking a GLINER bus). Jojo accompanied me till' SM Taytay and just left after seeing Ice. We did not immediately leave SM coz Ice did not bring any swimswear pala so she purchased a cute undergarment (a pair of bikini's that is-sexy!) and a cute short. Ako naman, I
bought "pantabing" to hide my muscles (lol) while we play our pusoy dos beside the pool which by the way never materialized. amp! It's on sale at php 225 from its original price na php 450! Anyways, pagdating namin, everyone
is already at the table and yung iba natutulog na sa sobrang kalasingan (diba koya?!) Naiinis ako in a way kasi inubos na nila ang beer, noooh! So nilantakan nalang namin ang squid and bangus, pancit and mechado. Ang sarap kaso syeet - gluttony na naman ako. I have this one teammate also na sobrang nashock ako kasi whenever he is on the floor, he is soooo tahimik - pero sa outing umover naman sa pagka-bibo! Medyo nakaka OFF pero ok lang kasi we thought na baka kasi dahil sa lasing na siya kaya nawawalan na sya ng control. I just came to realize na totoo pala ang kasabihang "nasa loob ang kulo", I'm just wondering - feeling nya kaya crush ko talaga sya? noooh! From now on, I will refrain myself from teasing myself to him na...promise!
Honestly, this is the first time I'll gonna swim na nakasleeve less...di ako sanay ibandera ang muscles ko. Ganun kababa ang self esteem ko. I don't have much confidence in myself especially pag body issues na because of my "excess baggage" pero buti nalang my sister Ivy (were the supertwins kasi pareho daw kami ng body built and height) encouraged me na okey lang kahit malaki ang braso namin basta wala na lang pakialamanan. bwahahaha - kaya eto naglakas loob na rin ako. Spent overnight at the pool and really had a great time...sayang ala si gherj. Pero at the back of our minds, we know that this might be the last team building well ever gonna have. Our team will be dispersed na as TL Chrisse will soon leave for BACOLOD na. Sobrang sad lang na di kami mareretain and kelangang madisperse ang team namin into different teams - 3 or 4 in each team. Sana lang, yung makakasama naming team would welcome us with open arms. Because of that, I'm thinking na rin of transferring to another account na lang...bahala na. BTW, before going home pala - we ate at Pares Pares and kumain kaming lahat ng special bulalo nila. sarap!
Overall, pagod pero masaya. Tawanan overnight but we know at the back of our minds...this is goodbye. I'm just so fortunate to have them as my teammates and kahit na minsan, me mga di pagkakasunduan ng TL namin, we really can't deny the fact that we enjoyed being with TL Chrisse with her "crazy" ways of making us laugh, cry, how she uplifts our spirits and encourage us to be strong. Wala nang magtatanggol samin sa mga nangaapi...hehehe at wala na kaming ka chismisan. We would really miss our bubbly TL but her happiness is more important for us than our "comfort zone". Aja TL Chrisse...hope you find your happiness and "lovelife" in Bacolod. Till we meet again....


Ukay for 5 Bucks?!

Yeah, you read it right. I myself was shocked. This is an ukay-ukay not in a typical Baguio scene but a large Ukay Ukay Haven at the heart of Quezon City (in Commonwealth Market to be precise). The whole 2nd floor was made specifically to be an ukay ukay market. I've been to different ukay ukay in Manila but not here where a piece of TSHIRT costs only php 5! Unbelievable!

What happened is, since it's my rest day and mama is still here at our place, we've decided to just come with her in our house at Montalban. Mama would be very happy to have me back at our original house and I would come to see my cute niece Empoy. It's almost lunch time so we decided to eat lunch first at Jollibee (there's a newly built commercial building in Commonwealth Market). After eating a hearty lunch , mama asked me to accompany her upstairs
because she will buy something. I thought she would buy some thread for her woven chelecko but much to my amazement, it was a big shop full of 2nd hand clothes!

The place was jampacked with people in all walks of life. From a very fashionista young lad to some "gusgusing manong" you can really tell he wasnt able to take a bath for days because of his body odor. If you are someone so vain and so malinis sa katawan, I doubt if you can stay even a single minute here. Pag akyat mo palang, alam mo na mga gamit na damit ang mga nandito. I asked mom to go ahead and pick the best tela she needs to buy as I don't think this place has something that I would be interested in...but instead, mom goes from one stall to another looking for the best shirt for her project. She is so happy to see so many "cute stuff" and even asked me to take a photograph of her with this cute betty boop shirt..there you go mom. Mom is so into ukay ukay - maybe because she can make wonders on it since she makes some alterations din (mama is a great fashionista i may say). She would buy a shirt for example and she would also buy some sequins, ribbons, patches and would just simply adorn a simple shirt with those and whoala! - a cute colorful shirt!

The rest of the day was spent at our home in Montalban. Will tell you more about our day with Empoy...I just need to rest now as I still have my shift later at 8:30 pm.Till then. God Bless Everyone!

fyi: I am watching tyra while writing this.